“Auschwitz. A Monograph of the Human”. Part 1. Loneliness

Transcription of the podcast

The book ‘Auschwitz. A Monograph on the Human’ is the first of its kind in the world to try to depict human emotions within the reality of Auschwitz camp. Its author, Museum Director Dr. Piotr Cywiński, draws on fragments of memoirs and testimonies from more than 450 Survivors. It is the words of these direct witnesses that form the basis of this reflection on the human condition amid the process of dehumanization at the German Nazi concentration and extermination camp Auschwitz. In the podcast, we present ten chapters of this unique story about humanity facing the most extreme test.

Part 1. LONELINESS
Read by: Grey Stafford

Thus, the old world ceased to exist. One of the first feelings in the camp was that of an acute and depressing loneliness. This sense is found in a significant number of accounts. Even when the authors of memoirs did not address this directly, their descriptions of their attempts to find family members, inhabitants of the same town or ghetto, or at least people from the same transport, prison or jail, essentially relay the same dominant feeling of loneliness.

Helena Dunicz Niwińska
„I felt terribly alone. There were better and worse times in that Lwów cell, but there were over a dozen of us, and we had gotten used to each other. And now in the camp, it all suddenly got mixed up. Both mother and I felt lonely. Even when I went to the bathhouse, I felt so completely alone. After all, I didn’t know anyone”.

The camp was like beehive—that is certain. But, ultimately, most individuals passed through this beehive alone. At the outset it should be underlined that not everyone’s sense of loneliness was the same. Loneliness was different for people who were torn from their homes and families when arrested, for example, accidentally, in a street roundup or in an organized Gestapo “cauldron”, and it was decidedly different for those who had arrived at the camp with their entire families, and whose closest relatives were then murdered in the gas chambers. For those who had endured the latter experience, the prospect of survival did not avert the specter of loneliness.

Lily Suser
“There were many thoughts crowding my mind now: the realization that I was alone in the world, that I had no one, that my mother would not be with me anymore, that I would never see her again. This was absurd! If I should survive, what would I do? Where would I go? I had no family anymore. I had no home or country. Did it matter? Was there any point in surviving? I don’t remember shedding a tear, nor can I describe my emotions. I felt completely helpless, mentally and physically exhausted”.

Ruth Minsky Sender
“I am all alone. There is no one to live for. What difference does it make if I live or die? There is no one. I am alone. All alone”.

Auschwitz, as an entire complex of camps held tens of thousands of inmates. In August 1944—the peak period—the total prisoner population was clearly over 100,000.254 The loneliness of individual prisoners in the extremely crowded conditions of the blocks or barracks, on the bunks or berths is a situation that requires understanding. The reality of this situation is probably a good indication of the saying “less is more.” If these words were inverted and adjusted relatively to scale, the phrase would then relate to the problem of loneliness in the concentration camp crowd. The first factor of loneliness in the concentration camp was the blending of the crowd into one. Heads shaved, dressed in striped uniforms, names converted into numbers, extremely humiliated and crowded into barracks, the prisoners ceased to recognize one another’s individual characteristics.

Krystyna Żywulska
“We all looked alike. I never imagined that hair added so much personality”

Saba Feniger
“Since the first day of my arrival I have been surrounded by shaven heads, expressionless faces and gloomy silhouettes belonging to strangers, nameless in a crowd”.

Individual features disappeared as did certain facts, specific dates and other elements that were important in the normal world, and now, in the concentration camp world, there was neither the will, the time, the strength nor the need for such things.

Shlomo Venezia
“If I’d known that one day I’d emerge from that hell, I’d have made a note of all the names, the dates, and the details. But while we were there, we didn’t even know what day it was”.

Rudolf Vrba
“… I knew that those who were different died in Auschwitz, while the anonymous, the faceless ones, survived”.

The second factor of loneliness was the question of language. Today, when English is virtually a universal language, this issue is easily overlooked. Communication in the camp was difficult. While German was required to understand the SS men, many other languages were needed to fully comprehend the camp environment.

Max Eisen
“I felt like I was in the Tower of Babel, hearing my barrack-mates speak so many different languages”.

Eugenia Kurzelowa
“The barrack was full of women of various nationalities who would not let us onto their berths. We lay down wherever we could”.

During their first night in the barrack, their heads full of the still unanalyzed extreme events of the whole day, the prisoners were often unable to sleep. Memories of that first night are an expression of loneliness in the crowd.

Tadeusz Sobolewicz
“What terrified me now was the unprecedented sense of loneliness, of being among strangers who were so much older than me”.

Charlotte Delbo
“The silences and the howls streaked the passing hours”.

Of course, it was not only the problem of language that inhibited communication. Everyone was absorbed with his or her own worries, his or her hunger, thirst, fears and tension. This atmosphere was in no way conducive to an exchange of comments, opinions or conclusions. Even in the most extreme circumstances, people remained alone with themselves.

Raya Kagan
“I lie for long time with my eyes open, Coldness in my body and soul. I have no tears and have no one to whom I could say: I am in pain”.

Primo Levi
“No one has time here, no one has patience, no one listens to you”.

Sim Kessel
“We could not share our misery. Each of us felt as isolated and abandoned as if he were in solitary confinement. Each of us felt alien to all these strangers who were fellow prisoners”.

The third significant factor of loneliness was the permutation of fellow prisoners, neighbors, faces and voices. Some died, others were murdered, others were moved to a different bunk, barrack, Kommando, or sometimes a different camp. Once out of sight, it was very difficult to find people again. Indeed, sometimes it was impossible.

Rudolf Vrba
“So every day old faces disappeared forever from the Buna command and new faces replaced them. At first, I found this depressing, perhaps in a selfish way, because every day brought me nearer to the hospital in spite of the fact that my job was slightly easier than many others. After a while, however, my mind, all minds, became conditioned to the appalling mortality rate”.

Mieczysław Bednarski
“A number died; a number was shot dead. Nobody cared who it was, what he did, young or old, he was a number…”

Finally, it must be remembered that in a way, one’s fellow inmate posed a threat to one’s own survival. This factor often bore heavily on the fates, choices and consciences of concentration camp prisoners. It is very telling that this topic is very seldom directly referred to in the accounts of survivors, who usually resort to making general allusions without faces or names. Exceptions regarding this matter in the sources are rare.

Charlotte Delbo
“I see her and think: she might drink this water since she is going to die. She is waiting. Her eyes beg and I do not look at her”.

After all, the system itself imposed on the prisoners a certain insensitivity towards fellow inmates. Leaving aside the above-mentioned factors of loneliness, one must admit that even the number system, which replaced people’s names with numbers, encouraged the development of a certain kind of inhuman distance between prisoners. Sometimes former inmates found it easier in their accounts to refer their closest friends by their numbers rather than names.

Michał Ziółkowski
“For example, the three of us, my two colleagues, No. 1057 and 1061 and myself, always stuck together. In every situation, we helped each other out”.

Camp solitude had a great impact on the functioning of prisoners. Faced with constant external threats, withdrawing into solitude or turning to introversion sometimes became the way to find that which was known, familiar, recognizable and to some extent, controllable. The topics of longings, nostalgia and the world of dreams shall be discussed later, but here I am referring to something much more brutal and striking. Outside, there was constant danger. The inner world, exactly because of its isolation, was safe.

Abraham Berndt
“But I never felt safe with anyone. I closed myself off from everybody. I was for myself, and from the moment I arrived there I never trusted anybody. I never shared any information with anybody, and I never told anybody about how I felt”.

Mieczysława Chylińska
“Contrary to all logic, instead of reaching out to others, I began avoiding them, as if hiding behind myself and from the equally, or perhaps even more unhappy than my fellow prisoners”.

Stanisław Sattler
“My one attainable desire was to be alone”.

Loneliness as a form of temporary escape, as a moment of rest, or an opportunity to gather one’s thoughts, was, as a matter of fact, desirable in the concentration camp crowd. Paradoxical as it may sound with regard to the comments above, one cannot discuss loneliness in the camp without considering this paradox. A person felt lonely and was often drawn towards solitude. It may have even been that in the face of all the traumatic experiences, prisoners escaped into isolation despite themselves. Everyone desired at least a moment alone with themselves. More often than not, this was impossible.

Viktor Frankl
“There were times, of course, when it was possible, and even necessary, to keep away from the crowd … The prisoner craved to be alone with himself and his thoughts. He yearned for privacy and for solitude”.

Tadeusz Sobolewicz
“For just a brief while I needed to lose myself, to sort out my muddled thoughts and try to calm my frayed nerves. The strain of having to be alert at all times, the unceasing fear of being beaten up, and the ever-present specter of death gave me no peace”.

Zofia Kossak
“Life in the herd never allowed for a moment of solitude, neither in the day nor in the night. When alone, a person thinks. And that was the whole point, for the häftling not to think. Solitude was an essential element for the soul to mature. Solitude was, therefore, excluded from concentration camp life”.

Even years later traumatic symptoms of this need for solitude were manifested.

Ana Novak
“If I had to make a profession of faith at this moment, I’d say: I believe in silence. I try to get up before everyone else. Not to write, but to savor these few hours of solitude that I steal from sleep”.

Regardless of whether it was one’s own choice or the result of external circumstances, the state of loneliness in the camp was undoubtedly a serious hindrance. Lonely or abandoned people objectively had far greater difficulties both in psychological terms, resulting from the need to share experiences and feelings, and in purely practical terms, in finding mutual support and help and the sense of solidarity to cope with grim conditions.

Camille Touboul
“The disappearance of my two friends deepened my loneliness: I have turned inwards and feel that my courage is weakening”.

Władysław Bartoszewski
“There was no one I knew in the camp, I had no access to information or support. I was not the son of anyone known. If there was the son of a starosta in the camp, people would speak, they would know and recognize such a prisoner. But a bank clerk, even of a higher level, that is the occupation of my Father? That was nota profession that would interest thousands of people. Consequently, I had no one who could be my guardian, patron or advisor. Or anyone who would be at all interested in me. No, I was completely left to fend for myself. A hapless only child suddenly deprived of family support or even overprotection, as it happens with mothers. To put it bluntly: I was nobody in Auschwitz”.

Sometimes isolation seemed to be the only form of rescue. This was unequivocally and objectively the case when a prisoner needed to conceal his or her true identity. A fellow prisoner who could potentially recognize such individuals posed a mortal threat not only to them, but to a possible underground network or their hidden families. The stay in the camp was especially difficult for me.

Henryk Matuszewski
“Living under a false name, I had to avoid contacts with people from my part of the country”.

Isolation also seemed to be a form of rescue in a subjective situation when a person felt that he or she would simply not survive if they had to have more than themselves to worry about. This probably involved terrible internal struggles of conscience and had dramatic consequences for the entire future.

Samuel Pisar
“Utterly lost, Ben and I wandered among the prisoners—all anonymous numbers like ourselves—till one day I saw a familiar face. I stared at the man in silence. There was no doubt, I now recognized him clearly despite his bare scalp. He was a good friend of my parents, who used to visit us often in Bialystok. He never failed to bring Frieda and me little presents: candy and toys that I still remembered . And he is here, in the camp, I thought; Ben and I won’t be so alone anymore. I ran up to him, elated. “Heniek!” He pinned me with a cold stare. “Get away from me,” he snapped. Sheepishly, almost ashamed, I held out my hand. “I’m not asking for anything, Heniek. I just want to talk to you.” He looked around worriedly. “Get lost.” I retreated, stunned, almost in tears. I could not understand why this kindly man who used to spend hours chatting with me, as a grown-up will with a boy full of questions, should have rebuffed me so unfeelingly. Later, I understood. In the conditions that prevailed at Auschwitz, it would take a rare person to befriend a youngster. Every human tie implying dependency or sentiment threatened to bring on complications that, at any moment, could mean the difference between life and death. It was a hard lesson, but it was to stand me in good stead”.

The state of loneliness—whichever way it was experienced—was a stage with important consequences in the concentration camp process. For it was clearly a break from various pre-existing social customs and norms. This state in the general prisoner population led to the germination of a new social organization within the concentration camp. It was in that egotism, forced upon the prisoners by their own suffering and unsatisfied basic needs, that the new social structure was born, which—with some simplification—would have been based on force: physical and psychological force as well as the functions one held and the contacts one had. Social relations would basically depend on a tacit, but constant and inescapable power struggle. The stronger one was, the greater one’s importance, the more one could accomplish. The weaker one was, the more one was—step after step, day after day—pushed towards the murderous margins of concentration camp society.

Halina Birenbaum
“I was left alone, in an enormous crowd of women who were suffering, indifferent and hardened to the suffering of others. Each had her own past, her own tragedies. I was of no use to any of them, my fate was of no concern to anyone—on the contrary, we hindered one another in the crowded barrack, in the lines for soup or bead. There was not even enough air for everyone. So the stronger defended herself from the weaker, pushed them away and kill them off”.

This was the first episode of the podcast based on the book by Dr Piotr Cywiński ‘Auschwitz. A Monograph on the Human’.

Read by: Grey Stafford

The voices of the survivors were provided by volunteer narrators from the Auschwitz Memorial:
Toon Dreessen
Sarah Edwards
Mike Skagerlind
Michael Takiff
Tom Vamos
Kate Weinrieb
and Therese McLaughlin

Adaptation for the podcast: Agnieszka Juskowiak-Sawicka
Introduction words: Paweł Sawicki
Music: JivexMusic

Testimonies and memoirs used into the podcast:
Helena Dunicz Niwińska (84118), Account in: Agnieszka Dauksza, „Klub Auschwitz i inne kluby”, Gdańsk, 2016, p. 55.
Lily Suser (n.n.) “Lili’s Story. My Memory of the Holocaust” (Colorado Springs, CO: Lili Susser, 1998), pp. 71-72. The quote of a seven-year-old girl form Litzmannstadt Ghetto, 1944.
Minsky Sender (55082), “The Cage”, p. 169.
Krystyna Żywulska (55908), “I Survived Auschwitz”, p. 22.
Saba Feniger (n.n.), “Short Stories”, p. 97.
Shlomo Venezia (182727), “Inside the Gas Chambers”, p. 47.
Rudolf Vrba (44070), “I Escaped From Auschwitz” (Fort Lee: Barricade Books, 2002), p. 150.
Max Eisen (A-9892), “By Chance Alone”, p. 82.
Eugenia Kurzelowa (37574), Account in: Testimonies, vol. 36, p. 104.
Tadeusz Sobolewicz (23053), „But I Survived”, p. 77.
Charlotte Delbo (31661), “None of Us Will Return”, p. 50.
Raya Kagan (7984), “Des femmes au bureau de l’enfer”, p. 99.
Primo Levi (174517), “If This Is a Man”, p. 35.
Sim Kessel (130665), “Hanged at Auschwitz”, p. 81.
Rudolf Vrba (44070), “I Escaped From Auschwitz”, p. 116.
Mieczysław Bednarski (30951), „W szponach Gestapo”, p. 114.
Charlotte Delbo (31661), “None of Us Will Return”, p. 71.
Michał Ziółkowski (1055), „Byłem od początku w Auschwitz” (Gdańsk: Marpress, 2007),
p. 24. Mentioned in this quote are Jan Światłowski (1057) and Mieczysław Wojciechowski (1061).
Berndt Abraham (107783), “No Graves to Visit. A Survivor Remember at Last”, [n.d.] 1994, p. 13.
Mieczysława Chylińska (44685), “Działania SS w Brzezince przeciw węzłom społeczno-emocjonalnym więźniów,” Przegląd Lekarski – Oświęcim (1986), p. 155.
Stanisław Sattler (68652), “Prisoner of 68 Months”, p. 79.
Victor Frankl (119104), “Man’s Search For Meaning”, p. 61.
Tadeusz Sobolewicz (23053), “But I Survived”, p. 146.
Zofia Kossak (64491), “Z otchłani”, p. 84-85.
Ana Novac (17587), “The Beautiful Days of My Youth: Six Months in Auschwitz and Plaszow”
(New York: Henry Holt & Company, 1997), p. 37.
Camille Touboul (72420), “Le plus long des chemins. De Marseille a Auschwitz” (Nice: Losagne, 1998), p. 67.
Władysław Bartoszewski (4427), “Mój Auschwitz”, p. 41.
Henryk Matuszewski (5860), Account in: Testimonies, vol. 22, p. 17.
Samuel Pisar (B-1713), “Of Blood and Hope” (New York: Macmillan, 1982), pp. 56-57.
Halina Birenbaum (48693), “Hope Is the Last to Die”, trans. David Welsh (Oświęcim:
Auschwitz-Birkenau State Museum, 2016), p. 135.